When on Molokai, expect to find plenty of locals retrieving “to go” orders, catching up on the latest news and getting their grinds on at Kualapu’u Cookhouse.

Follow their lead.

Here you can find plenty of time to think your own thoughts and acclimate to the leisurely pace of life on the “Friendly Isle” in humble but welcoming surroundings.

Although Molokai itself is hardly on the beaten path, the little green house-turned-restaurant is in a residential part of the island near the coffee plantation.

Still, you’ll probably pass by at least once on your way between Kaunakakai and the Kalaupapa Peninsula or the island’s western end.

We started with the Homemade Corned Beef Hash Breakfast ($9.50).

Ground corned beef, slices of potato and green onion are combined into a patty and fried. It’s a less chunky “hash” than you might be used to, but the flavor is good.

We ordered our two eggs scrambled, but what arrived was more like a naked omelet.

When we inquired on a redo, we were told that would “take a long time.”

Thus, we can’t say whether that’s a common preparation or just a goof, but if you’re not one to risk it, maybe order them cooked some other way.

In contrast, our single pancake ($4.50) was a fluffy cloud from carb heaven.

At this point you might be all, “Whoa! Four fiddy for a single pancake!?” but it’s as good as pancakes get and you’re on a remote island in the most isolated archipelago in the world and you didn’t have to cook it or anything, so simmer down and enjoy the ride.

The Biscuits and Sausage Gravy special ($6.95) was rock solid.

Sure, maybe the two biscuits were kinda dry and a bit reminiscent of rocks, but the gravy – creamy, flavorful and every inch what you’d find in a diner in the Deep South – soon permeated the parched bread and evened it all out.

Better yet, our over-easy egg ($2) was perfectly prepared.

Portions are large: We departed that morning beyond full and with leftovers in tow.

After our rental house situation turned out to be über Blair Witchy – if you’ve never been gripped with a fear of being surrounded by and ultimately gored to death by possessed axis deer but would like to, give us a shout – we decided to make the Kualapu’u Cookhouse a regular hideout/refuge/home away from home.

Nothing wipes away the tears and says “I love you” quite like deep-fried bird.

The Boneless Country Fried Chicken ($12.95) was on the specials board all three days we stopped in. We’d vote to add it to the permanent menu.

Reminiscent of the excellent fowl prepared by JB’s in Wailuku, this one comes smothered in brown gravy.

We weren’t expecting that and it renders leftovers a bit soggy – maybe ask for it on the side? – but despite its unexpected presence, it was seriously some of the best brown gravy we’ve ever had in the islands.

This bodes well for the Loco Moco ($9.95).

The accompanying mac salad was also exemplary with a perfect balance of mayo and black pepper.

We sampled the Mushroom Swiss Burger with Fries ($10.50).

The beef isn’t local (per the waitress), but the –we’re guessing – 1/3 pound burger is juicy and satisfying.

Those anticipating a Four Seasons-ish ambiance, adjust your expectations accordingly: Kualapu’u Cookhouse rests firmly at the intersection of super casual and family barbeque.

The indoor seating features plastic folding chairs and the outdoor area offers communal picnic tables and a bathroom bordering on an outhouse. Service is friendly, slow and not afraid to bust into a song along with the radio.

Did we mention it’s slow?

As the menu unflinchingly declares: “If you’re in a hurry, you’re on the wrong island!!!”

On our final morning, we tried the Cookhouse Special ($9.95) – fried rice with an egg on it.

Greasy, fatty and tasty, this rice is laden with onion, Portuguese sausage and Spam. The over-easy egg was perfect. We were more than satisfied and once again had leftovers for the road.

Blame it on a long, calorie-burning night of shuddering in fear while worrying we’d wake up surrounded by ominous stick art made by an angry necromancer, but our dining companion decided to go big before going home and upped the “Three Choice” omelet ($12.50) to six choices (each an additional 75 cents).

The resulting ham, mushroom, tomato, onion, spinach and Swiss omelet found all items present and accounted for.

Overall, it was well-prepared, but note each bite released a squirt of oil from the (otherwise perfectly cooked) eggs.

This is not a complaint if you’re into full-fat or paleo eating.

On a diet?

Maybe order Scotty’s Special Grill Mahi Mahi Breakfast ($14.95) instead.

All told, Kualapu’u Cookhouse is something of a diner, something of a plate-lunch joint, but consistently a notch above your expectations from such places in terms of variety and preparation.

Everything’s a little bit better than what you’d presume and in portions that will fill you beyond your next regularly scheduled meal.

Just remember to bring cash, because your plastic doesn’t work here.

—

Kualapu’u Cookhouse is located at Highway 470 and Uwao Street in Kualapu’u on Molokai. They are open Tuesday to Saturday, 7 a.m. to 8 p.m. and Monday and Sunday 7 a.m. to 2 p.m., although please note we experienced slightly later opening hours in person.

The post Kualapu’u Cookhouse: a Molokai Must (Maui Now) appeared first on Vanessa Wolf, MBA.

Like an answered prayer, you appear in her doorstep.

The adorable proprietress lights up like a Christmas tree and readies herself to announce your order into the comical microphone system. “It’s a big kitchen,” she explains when you look bemused.

Should you, like us, ponder the menu a while on your first visit, she will likely rush in with advice.

A psychic intuitive of some sort, Mrs. Han knows what you need.

“Number one for you.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“Number one for you. Yes. You number one.”

Is it our serious demeanor? Something in the way we move? Our choice of clothing that evening? The desire in our eyes?

No matter, how do you argue with that?

You don’t.

Thus, the #1 for us or BBQ Chicken ($9.99) is not BBQ in the southern sense, but Korean.

The generous portion of chicken thigh meat is well prepared and has notable soy and ginger flavors.

All told, Mrs. Han did us right: number one, indeed.

The meal itself arrives as a plate lunch with a choice of three sides. The menu lists kimchi, mayo potato, corn, seaweed, tofu, mac salad, pasta salad, green beans and salted cabbage, but the daily offerings usually vary and include a handful of those and a mish-mash of others.

On this particular occasion, we chose the kimchi, which – make a note of this – is truly outstanding. The flavors are complex and there’s good heat and some serious after burn, because what’s the point of kimchi if your lips aren’t sweltering?

We also sampled the mac salad to which we can only say: Holy mayo bomb. If you were raised by Mrs. Hellman you might enjoy this, but we didn’t order it twice.

Also on the menu that day was Dai Kon (daikon). It arrived pickled, pink and strong with the flavors of salt and vinegar.

Not bad. Not good.

Interesting.

These things happen sometimes when one gets brave with an unfamiliar menu.

On our next visit we sampled the #7/Kalbi Ribs ($13.99) and at this point it is safe to assert: Maui BBQ & Grill knows its way around Korean fast food.

The ribs were well-seasoned, tender and in generous portion. By and large, you can get two meals out of a single order here.

Knowing a good thing when we see it, we went with double kimchi and broccoli.

Alas, the broccoli duped us more than once. Although bright green and perfectly cooked, it’s also ice cold and begging for salt. Meh.

On our third visit we got cavalier.

Veering away form the more traditional Korean/plate lunch items, we placed an order for the Cashew Chicken ($11.99).

Mrs. Han made what can only be described as a “yuck face” while quickly shaking her head.

Maybe we spoke too quickly? We restated our order.

“Sweet and sour chicken for you.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“Number 12. Sweet and sour for you.”

It’s Mrs. Han’s world; we’re just living in it.

Sweet and Sour Chicken ($11.99) it was.

Out came freshly deep fried pieces of battered chicken in a typically sweet Americanized – think Panda – sweet and sour sauce. Ours came with four chunks of pineapple for anyone counting.

We’re not usually into this type of “Asian” food, but if that’s your jam this version is above average and will likely light your fire.

We forgot all about our previous triple kimchi or bust pledge and asked for broccoli again (vile weed!) and the potato salad.

Hrmmm.

The scene: cubes of what seem to be skin-on baked potatoes fraternize with sautéed onions while basking in a hard-to-identify sauce that your mind assumes is mayonnaise but your taste buds say is not.

The flavor: leftover baked potato three days later and dry like the Sahara.

Pass.

A few weeks later we missed that sweet Mrs. Han… not to mention that kimchi.

On the specials board was the tempting Aloha Seafood Combo ($10.99) featuring fried fish, coconut shrimp and onion rings.

Man overboard.

What do we say about this except “Trust the Gorton’s Fisherman.”

We’re pretty sure the fine folks at Van De Kamp were heavily involved in this dish, but that stated the three coconut shrimp were good and the two battered fish pieces were highly reminiscent of a school lunch… as were the five onion rings.

The hands-down highlight were the chunks of kaffir lime.

All told, steer clear of the deep fryer and stick with what Maui BBQ & Grill is attempting to tell you they’re good at via their name and Mrs. Han’s occasional hijacking of your order: Korean BBQ.

Oh, and give her our best when you go.

—

Maui BBQ & Grill is located at 2395 S. Kihei Rd. #110 in Kihei and open 10:30 a.m .to 8:30 p.m Monday thru Saturday and 2:30 p.m. to 8:30 p.m. on Sunday.

The post Maui BBQ & Grill: #1 For You (Maui Now) appeared first on Vanessa Wolf, MBA.

Lahaina Grill, light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. La-hi-na: the tip of the tongue taking a trip of three steps down the palate to tap, at three, on the roof. La. Hi. Na.

Grill.

Founded in 1994, Lahaina Grill is no nubile underage temptress. Almost old enough to drink, she just keeps getting better with age.

On our first venture, our dining companion insisted upon the Baked Escargot ($22).

Yes.

Snails.

About as close as most Westerners get to eating insects (although in all fairness, they are of the phylum mollusca along with clams and mussels).

If you haven’t had the pleasure, you can easily convince yourself they’re mushrooms.

Soaking in the requisite and well-prepared garlicky buttery sauce, they were as superlative a version as any we’ve ever tried.

If you like to dine on nefarious garden pests, now you know.

Moving right along, we tried the Seared Ahi and Hudson Valley Foie Gras ($32).

Yes, we know that foie gras is mean, but gosh darn it, it’s delicious.

It tasted like that scene where the rather androgynous, sexy boy and the beautiful doe-eyed girl run towards one another in a mundane but nonetheless enchanting field and the wheat and wild flowers sway in the breeze, seemingly parting for the ardent lovers to reach one another just a split second sooner. The second bite tastes like that, too. But with less clothes.

Hopefully that duck went to heaven, because we certainly did while enjoying it.

The ahi is rare, the demi-glace succulent and the foie itself incredible. If you can deal with the guilt, go for it.

The Opakapaka melts in your mouth. Photo by Vanessa Wolf.

In what was shaping up to be a meal of abject animal cruelty, we also sampled the Marcho Farms Center Cut All Natural Veal Chop ($55).

Accompanied by a savory herbal risotto, buerre blanc sauce and perfectly prepared asparagus, the beautifully cooked meat still shines.

If Catholic (or whatever) guilt allows, it’s a winner.

As we turned our attention to the Opakapaka Special ($45), things melted down… with our camera.

Myriad photographic issues, total malfunctions and inexplicable glitches plagued us that first evening, but our incredible server – noticing this writer in near tears – offered up the use of her phone.

Not only that, she texted the photos to us later that night: a lovely gesture as awkward as it was gracious.

If one thing stands out about Lahaina Grill, it’s the impeccable, professional and yet still somehow warm service: simply supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.

Back to the fish, the opakapaka was served on a hearty morel mushroom risotto with a tiger prawn on top. The risotto was earthy and rich, but the flavor bordered on overpowering the delicate fish.

The Buffala Tomato Salad looks like a teenager going through an emo phase, but tastes like magic. Photo by Vanessa Wolf.

The opakapaka itself?

Like buttah.

The only things that could make each bite more delicious are your tears of joy.

On a subsequent visit we tried the Buffala Tomato Salad ($23).

The plate looks overdone, but the flavors are perfectly balanced.

Basil, onions and cheese work together with the fresh, clean tomato flavor. The olive oil and balsamic add depth and complexity.

The Carpaccio of Filet Mignon ($19), however, was overwhelming.

A spoonful of sugar may help the medicine go down, but renders raw beef, well… freaky.

The cloying sweet citrus notes are unnervingly reminiscent of a Betty Crocker lemon cake made by our mother every Easter: familiar yet objectionable.

The olive tapenade is gilding the lily.

The Carpaccio has a lot going on. Photo by Vanessa Wolf.

The meat is so fresh and well-prepared that it doesn’t need this many essences and taste buds activated. Why compete with such clean, simple flavor?

Cut it back to the arugula, the shaved parmigiano-reggiano, a squeeze of lemon, some olive oil and those divine – and divinely clever – fried capers, and we’d eat this every day.

The Center Cut 14 oz. Certified Angus Beef New York Steak ($49) is splendid.

Perfectly cooked and topped with a delightful mushroom demi-glace, any cow would be lucky to meet such a fate.

Accompanied by a vegetable medley flanked with young al dente carrots, our dining companion noted, “They even made the carrots delicious. And I hate carrots.”

Here’s the problem with the herbed potato gratin tucked underneath: nothing.

Hate on us all you like, but our notes from that evening read: “Amazeballs. Want to roll around naked in the potatoes…with my mouth open.”

The NY Steak and those inexplicably tasty carrots. Photo by Vanessa Wolf.

What can we say?

This writer is just a girl, sitting in front of a plate of herbed potato gratin, asking it… to love her.

So anyway, our waiter encouraged us to try an accompanying bowl of Roasted Kula Corn ($8).

As the menu stated, it’s been roasted. There is visible char on the kernels and a notable grilled flavor.

Still, we found it quite under-seasoned, but added a bit of the garlic butter (brought with the complementary bread) and a little salt.

Voila!

Magnifique!

Although service is impeccable, the acoustics at Lahaina Grill leave a little to be desired.

Somehow the setup and probably the wooden floors amplify your neighbors’ conversations far beyond the volume of your own, such that you inadvertently hear the adjacent table tell the tale of their love at first sight blind date more than once.

Good for them, but – huh? What’s that someone at your actual table just said?

If it’s your birthday and the restaurant knows this, expect a free dessert in the form of Lampert’s Coconut and Lllikoi Sorbet in a shell of pure, unadulterated, tooth aching sugar ($13).

Dentists all over the island, Lahaina Grill is looking out for you.

Super sweet stuff isn’t really our jam, but we certainly appreciated the gesture, not to mention the bday card and the emailed photo the next day.

The dessert course kinda made our teeth hurt, but sugar isn’t really our thing. Photo by Vanessa Wolf.

The post Lahaina Grill: Practically Perfect in Every Way (Maui Now) appeared first on Vanessa Wolf, MBA.