This is where you can put the disclaimers that none of this is real, not that it will do any good. (Thanks, that’ll work. -Ed.) Having learned that Paia was voted “Eighth Happiest Seaside Town in America,” resident and trust-fund baby Stephan Higgs became incensed. “Eighth place isn’t...

Saturday’s 24th annual Maui Onion Festival brought a host of onion-based sights, most notably the recipe drink contest. Three mixologists were given were given 10 minutes to make four margaritas utilizing Sauza Blue tequila and… Maui sweet onions. Ummmm. Say what? Before you can fully process...

This isn’t Kansas City, the Carolinas or any part of Texas, either. Try to get some collards, hushpuppies, or sweet potato pie, and you’ll quickly realize this is Maui. That stated, Mama’s Ribs and Rotisserie in both Napili and Kihei proudly presents another one of those “pretty good…for...

Koiso Sushi Bar in Kihei has achieved near-legendary status on this island, if only for being so freaking hard to get into. The tiny restaurant has seating enough for 15. This leads to scarcity and related demand. On Yelp alone, 56 people have noted the tip “make a reservation beforehand.”...

Seems the Lahaina Banyan Tree is about to turn 140. How do we know this? Well, legend has it the tree was originally planted by the sheriff on April 24th, 1873 to mark the 50th anniversary of the establishment of the Protestant Mission in Lahaina. But is that really the “birth” of the tree?...

Drive by Archie’s in Wailuku between 11 a.m. and 1 p.m. and witness the full lot. What’s going on in that nondescript concrete building? What do these patrons know that you don’t? And can it be appreciated if you aren’t already a seeming insider? Archie’s is like an irascible old man that you...

Oh, how we pray you will read this part before diving into the sea of words below and realize THIS IS NOT TRUE AND MEANT IN FUN. Court records indicate Charles “Chip” Carlson has filed a restraining order against a migratory humpback whale currently believed to be residing off the west coast...

Although there are many luau opportunities on the island, the general consensus is that the Feast at Lele in Lahaina is one of – if not the – premier offering. So what makes it stand out? First and foremost, it’s not a buffet. Rather, the four courses are split among four Polynesian nations:...

Just a little amuse bouche for your brain. In other words, this is satire intended to entertain, thus its location in the arts and entertainment section. Last week, the US Attorney’s Office announced that a former US Army officer living in Hawaii had been charged with disclosing classified...

If you like Korean food, Ohana Karaoke Cafe & Grill Go Hyang Jip in Wailuku is – for the most part – a real find. Despite its hole-in-the-wall exterior, it’s actually tastefully decorated and quite new-looking inside. Don’t be surprised to find that most of the clientele is Korean and...

But if this were true. It isn’t. We wish it were true, but it’s really just a little Arts and Entertainment piece that you will hopefully find entertaining or at least slightly amusing. Special thanks to my dad and his mad Photoshop skillz. Hawaii loves Spam. Although made in the Midwest,...

It takes a certain lifestyle, coupled with an uncommonly flexible schedule and a particular zeal for finger foods to really appreciate a good happy hour. However, if you are of that ilk, you pretty much cannot go wrong at Gannon’s. The food is notably well-priced (albeit portions are scaled...

It’s been almost a month since someone last robbed the First Hawaiian Bank in Pukalani. We bet there are a few of you out there thinking “third time’s the charm” and possibly considering your own hit. Sure, you have a dirt bike and some camouflage pants. Perhaps your lady has been whining...

Cinnamon Roll Fair/Place (The sign says “Fair” but the van and business cards say “Place.” We suspect a slow-motion name change is underway) is something of a south Kihei institution. In business since 1983, that’s three decades of sweet, sticky, doughy goodness. However, before we focus on...

From the mind of Donavita Quixota-Wolf: Sorry to bother you, but I’m in the midst of a great adventure: spreading chivalry, righting wrongs, and slaying beasts. There’s something terrible here amongst us, and I need to gather others to the cause. I think you can help. So here’s the story: I...

The confirmation that the February 26 power outage at the Kahului Airport was caused by a chicken found inside a transformer in the rental car area validated investigators’ worst fears. A spokesperson commented, “For several months now, there has been talk of a renegade band of...

The Hawaii Visitors and Convention Bureau (HVCB) recently launched a month-long marketing blitz in New York and Chicago, two of its largest markets, both of which they identified as being on the “East Coast” even though the one that starts with a “C” is actually in the Midwest. Seriously....

Dining at Ramen Ya in the Queen K mall started off a little more like a double-dog dare than a promising enterprise. Ominous phrases like “noodles in dirty dishwater,” and “it’s a carb carnival and the protein isn’t invited” were tossed about, proving the dare-makers aren’t just mean… they’re...

Once again, dear friends, this has been posted in “Entertainment,” which is to say it’s meant to entertain you.   Yet again, the airlift crews have been called out to the Bamboo Forest. We’re not judging the whos, whats, hows or whys of that situation, but it did seem like good timing to...

You are not an accountant. Nonetheless, despite your pledges that THIS is the year you hire a pro, there you are on April 15th: installing TurboTax, sweating bullets, rifling through mountains of paper, and drinking heavily. We’ve been there. More than once. However, our pain is your gain. We...